I just want to say how much I love my family.  I had a really really hard week last week. I think of all the weeks I have had last week was the worst. I think it was the turning point from me being depressed and unhappy with everything after being PG. I didn't think I would be able to pull out of it for a while but thanks to the wonderful family I have I am feeling so much better.
On Thursday my sister came over and brought dinner and a HUGE pile of brand new clothes. She was too funny cus she walked in and then told me to go and try on all the new stuff she had brought. I was floored she purchased 8 new shirts for me. I can't believe how nice that was. I tried to give her money for them but she refused to take it from me.

So she said lets get together one Friday night and go and get some new makeup. I am not really a makeup kinda girl but now that I am getting older I need a little bit to spruce up my features. So off to Macys we go Little man went to Gogo's house for dinner so we just took little girl with us. We got there and instead of my normal makeup counter my sister directs me over the MAC. O.K I love MAC but its a bit pricey for me. I picked out I think two new colors and was ready to call it done. Well, she starts to laugh and calls the lady who works there over to us and instructs her to pick out colors that look good on my skin color. The lady then pulls out around 10-12 colors. The colors are great but I told my sister that there was no way I was going to buy all of this makeup.

My sister also told the lady that I needed a few pencils and brushes and lipstick. UGH I am looking at this pile building and building in front of us. Then I start to think, well she bought me a ton of clothes the night before so I can afford to get a few more colors. So we have the HUGE pile of makeup in front of us I am talking HUGE!!!! So I am picking through it all and I picked out a few more colors and start to head toward the register with them. Just as I get up there my sister laughs at me and hands the lady the rest of the HUGE pile of makeup and says to the lady that we want all of it. The ladies eyes get very wide and she grins. I looked at my sister assuming that she is on some kind of medication. There is no way I could ever justify spending that kind of money on makeup for myself.
SOOOOO.... She pays for it all. HELLO, it was over $350.00 worth of makeup. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. I am so excited to have all kinds of cool colors and great makeup. It really made me feel good I can't tell you how nice it was of my sister to do that for me. Really it was so unexpected and wonderful of her

The rest of the weekend was crazy too. Yesterday we finally went and got Hailey's crib Its soooo cute!!! I can't tell you how perfect it is. So we put that together for her.


So I was all excited to post my weight again but was bummed to find out that I didn't loose any weight from last week. I am sure its because I was so depressed that I wasn't very good about exercising or eating well. So its back to being good and working out again starting today.

Well,

I am doing more and more soul searching and I think that I am still suffering from Postpartum depression. I am doing all I can to fight this on my own. I am not sure what to do about it all. I think if I just fight my way through it all I will be fine. Some days are better then others and the last two days I think have been some of the worst I have had since giving birth.
I am having, as crazy as this sounds, panic attacks about death and dying??? HELLO where the Hell is this coming from??? It’s so crazy?? I had a small bit with Nik but with little girl I really feel this sense of doom hanging over my head. Like, O.K I have had the kids and now my life is flying before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  It's almost like I am having so much fun and now I don’t want it to end but am afraid that before I know it it will. Seeing Nik turn 2 made me realize how fast it's all happening.

I know in my heart of hearts that how I am feeling is wrong and I am trying to “Snap out of it” But it’s not easy. I have convinced myself that if I loose the weight I will be happy again and make this all go away. I am losing it at a pretty quick rate and am finding that I am still upset.


I have just sent my bestest friend in the whole wide world an e-mail in hopes that she can give me a good swift kick in the pants to help me out of this funk. I think I need to lean on someone for some help though this one…

The other night I was watching the Olympics and became very very sad...

There are not many people that know of one of the greatest achievements in my life. I too was like so many of those wonderful competitors that are currently realizing their dream of being a Olympian.

For many years I was a competitive shooter. I shoot in hundreds of competitors and won many many medals, money and even turkeys  I loved the sport so much. I still have all of the record books that have my name in them and all of the medals are tucked away in a small bag that I put keepsakes in.  The story was that I was the state champion of California. I had finally made the top ranks and was so proud of myself. I was unaware that because I had finally joined the ranks of the elite that I would receive an invitation to compete for the Olympic team. The letter that was sent to me inviting me to the prestigious event happened to get lost in the mail and I was not notified until the day of the event. The event was held at the training camp in Colorado Spring, Colorado. My parent unfortunate were not made of money and had to give me the heart braking news that I would be unable to attend.

Needless to say I was crushed. I had worked so many year to achieve the status in hopes that one day I would have the chance to call myself and Olympian.  I guess all things happen for a reason and if I would have gone down that path who knows where I would have been today.

After sitting and reminiscing about my years shooting I pulled out my rife to show someone and really began to think about the role that shooting played in my life. After thinking about it and remembering how much fun I had doing it I am considering picking it back up again. I know that the local chapter is still around and I many even be able to join up with the adult league that used to shoot oh Wednesday nights. I am going to do some research and see what I come up with. I would love to have the thrill of competing again.

I have also considered looking for a Triathlon that consists of shooting, running and swimming. I really enjoyed competing in the triathlon and think it would be an even bigger thrill to combine both sports. Humm. I guess we will have to see.

On another front. Little Girl has found her voice.  Today was the first official day that she was talking up a storm to both Mike and I. It was too cute.

We are off to camp this weekend  I can't wait it always nice to get away for a few days even if its local .

Other then that I spent most of today backing bread and getting ready to go. I love my new bread machine.  I swear by it  I am going to now go make sweet rolls for breakfast while we are camping 

I have two weeks left until I go back to work and I am really starting to get upset over it all. I am going to miss my family so much  But we all know that we have to work and that's just the way it goes. Thank God Mike will be home with the kids so I don't have to worry about my little ones 

Both kids are sleeping so I am going to go craft I haven't had much time to do that so it will be fun.

I love weekends

This last weekend was so nice.  It was finally nice outside for a while.  We worked on little girls’ room almost all weekend. On Sat we painted the rest of her room and Mike has been working on trim for the window. I can’t wait for it to be all finished. The carpet is going to be installed on Thursday so it’s very close. 

I had a blast hanging out with Bug this weekend  On Sat while Mike was working him and I sat on the floor and played and played and played.  We had a blast. First we played with puzzles, then we played with cars, then we colored and then we played with sissy  it was so much fun!!! He is just the best kid I swear.

Also, my parents came over for dinner last night which was great. I love having my parents up to see the kids. My son is just so thrilled with his Papa  I love to watch to two of them play together  It warms my heart to watch the smiles and hear the giggle on both of their faces. I can't thank God enough for the wonderful blessings I have in my life.

So today was weigh in and I am so proud of myself I am down to 151 lbs  SOOOOO excited!!!!  I have been working my butt off I tell you. I am so determined to loose all of this weight. I can’t wait to be skinny again. I hate thinking about how I look all the time and worrying that something is not fitting right or what ever. So jumping on the scale this morning and seeing that wonderful number drop yet again just thrilled me  I will make it to 135 if it kills me. 

So here is and updated count down…

March 27, 2006 - 151 with 8 weeks to go.

O.K so drama in the Thompson’s house. Mike and I started to talk a bit about our future and all that jazz and the topic of kids came up. Mike is adamant about not having any more kids. I am pretty sure I want one more. It’s hard to disagree on this. I can understand where he is coming from but I just don’t want to commit to the fact that my child bearing years are over??? UGH. Not sure how to express it. I guess it’s all about the issues that I have with my own mortality? At least that what I think it has to do with. I think that if I say that I am done with having children then it makes me that much closer to death. I hate to put it that way but that’s how I see it. It’s like the last major mile stone, before you commit yourself to an old folks home. I know, I know its horrible to talk like this and I would love to have someone convince me of this otherwise but I am so convinced that life is now going to speed past me and I will have nothing more to look forward to but to have my children grow up and leave home and then me die a lonely old women. (UGH that sounds so bad…)

You’re put on this earth to have children… O.K I have done that… Now what???

That just sounds horrible, I know, but, just not sure how I feel about it all. I am hoping that it will unfold and I will be comfortable with what’s happening in my life. Mike has said that we can talk about having another in a few years but for now he still feels that he just doesn’t want to have any more ever. I guess I can respect that. That’s O.K, right? I think right now I need to drop it and see what my life brings me in a few years and be thankful and happy that I have two perfect children….

So, it’s taken me a few days to get to it but I forgot to write about Nik's 2nd Birthday

Talk about fun. I think the best part about having kids is all the fun stuff you get to do with them.
So we had planned to have a big jumpy again this year and have everyone up to our house for a BBQ but this year the weather decided not to cooperate. They were predicting "SNOW" hello "SNOW in California Yikes. Anyway, we decided to move the party to a local kids place called ToobTown. ToobTown is great its an indoor jungle-gym for the kids. Its so much fun.
Nik had a great time He ran around that place like a mad man Sooo cute.

I loved watching him enjoy himself

So, Mike comes to me last night and says, "I just want you to know how much I love this little girl " He was holding Hailey.. "She and I have really bonded this past few weeks and I am so happy that I get to stay at home with the her"


How wonderful is that? It made me feel so good To know that my husband is getting alone so well with little girl and they are having so much fun at home makes such a difference for me. It makes it so much easier to get up in the morning and come to work.

Mike is in the kitchen fixing lunch for Nik and starts to smell my perfume. He is not sure where or why he is smelling it. So he continues what he is doing. Then of course the house gets quite… Quite is not good with children 

 

Mike howlers for Nik and he comes running to Mike but when he gets to Mike he has his hands behind his back, therefore it is assumed that he is hiding something. J Mike then gets another whiff of my perform. This time its really strong  So Mike asks Nik to give him what’s in is hand of course my child takes off running and ditches the loot somewhere between the front room and his room :-) Mike then walks into Nik’s room and begins to ask him where the bottle is.

 

At this point we don’t think that Nik understood what Mike was asking cus her replied. “Sissy stinks Daddy”. UGH, now Mike realizes he has a bigger problem so her runs in to check on sissy. She of course is happily swinging in her swing and absolutely smells of perfume. 

 

Way too funny I tell you.

 

Moral of the story… Nik is tall enough to reach on top of the bathroom counter  Don’t leave anything on the counter… 

 

This weekend was nice. The weather was great and I got a whole bunch of odds and ends done. I have to say I am so tired though. Mike has the flu and I had to take care of little girl last night and get up at 3:45 L UGH I am dragging my butt this morning. I sure hope that Mike is feeling better today. I know that little man still has the tail end of a cough also. Poor little Dude.

 

But…. We have the final plans confirmed for DISNEYLAND!!!! Yeah!!! I can’t wait to take Nik and little girl. I know that little girl won’t care but Nik is gonna love it. In preparation for going I pulled out the home movies that we have of us going to Disneyland and Nik and I sat on the floor to watch them. It was so much fun!! Nik loved it. Then the next morning we were all in bed and Nik jumps up and says to me. “Momma, go play Diddneyand”  It took me a few minutes to realize what he was saying but once I figured it out and repeated back to him “Let’s go play at Disneyland” he then reply with a huge smile on his face. “GREAT”  It was just too cute 

 

My little Sissy Roo is doing so good.  She is now smiling up a storm. She is getting to be so much fun to play with. If you lay her down on the couch and look over her she will do everything she can to get your attention  I love it. She is now fake coughing if you stop paying attention to her and she still wants to play.  So cute I tell you  She is already up to eating 6 oz HELLO she is only 9 weeks old….. Yeah not sure where she puts it all but she eats like a little piggy  I just love that she is so healthy. Its nice to have a healthy baby.

 

So I finally went and got a new scale. My old one was not working right anymore. I have to say I am proud of myself I am down another couple of pounds. I am really going to hit the weight loss thing hard. I have to start to feel better about myself. I have my bike setup in the garage and the weight bench is all cleaned off and ready for me to use it. I was very proud of myself for getting out there last night for a few min. I can’t get over how out of shape I really am.  It was so depressing. But, I am doing something about it so I guess that’s all that matters. I am really really really hoping that by our trip to Disneyland I will be 135…..

I would be so proud of myself. That’s two pounds a week I think I can do that… No, I know I can do that. How nice would it be to go on vacation and wear cute little shorts and a top and not be worried about the way I look in pictures or in the shorts I have on.

 

I can do it. I can do…

 

So here is the count down…

 

March 20, 2006- 155 with 9 weeks to go.

 

O.K I think I can